A Letter to the Discouraged Adoptive Mom

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This post was originally going to be a letter I wrote to myself: The discouraged adoptive mom. Or overwhelmed, frustrated, ashamed, depressed. The list could go on and on. I’ve encountered so many instructions on “how to” over the last 2 years but when it came time to actually jump into this adoptive mom thing, I really just needed someone holding my hand. All the “how to’s” went out the window when overwhelm came rushing in.

mom with her two little kids holding them close

This post started as a way I was dealing with my own stress. I figured a letter written to encourage other adoptive moms would be a great post. What mother of children from hard places doesn’t need some encouragement. When I sat down to write this, something else came out.

It was a letter but not from me. It was the words God would be saying to me. I finished the letter in my journal but I have to admit I’m a bit hesitant to share.

I love blogging and encouraging other women, but I want to say just what I’m supposed to. No more, no less and honestly, that’s a hard balance to make. Not to mention I fell naked.

mom carries two toddlers on her hips
Photo credit Valentina Nobles Photography

All in all, I know I need to share this.

You may be the Mom who has so much guilt and overwhelm.

You may be the Mother who his tried “all the things” and your child still isn’t responding to you. Your tired.

Perhaps that’s just it: YOUR TIRED.

It could be neither of these, but you’re looking for something…

There’s a hand to hold mamma, and it’s not mine.

A Letter to the Discourage Adoptive Mom

Dear Mamma,

I see you. Do you not believe what I said? When I called you to this I was calling you to my side.

I walk with the hurting, the bruised, the annoying, the hard to love, the mentally incapable, the angry, the anxious.

I walk with the dirty.

The ones our flesh wants to turn from.

You are still with me. This calling isn’t over and those words are the most important to remember.

You are walking WITH ME.

I have not abandoned ship. I called you to my side but I am in the rubble. You were not made to survive this on your own. You want your child to believe you. Well, my child. Believe ME.

I am here with you. I won’t leave.

I see your loneliness in this mission and I see how others cannot understand your irritations, your worries, your grief.

Take your eyes off them and walk with me. I understand.

I adopted YOU.

I waited when you went the other way. I pursued when you hid. I appeared when you pleaded for attention.

I know your inner turmoil and I chose you for this task, because I wanted you to WALK WITH ME.

Your Loving Adoptive Father God

Discouraged Adoptive Mom Resources

There are several voices that have helped me on this journey. I hope you can find encouragement from them as well.

  • THIS EPISODE of The Adoptive Mom Podcast really gave me a needed hug. I’d been feeling like so many voices tell me what to do and how I can’t reach the standard. For once, someone who’d been there was Dumping a Bucket of Grace on the Mamma’s that need It. I confess I listen to the last 15 minutes over and over and yes, I cried.
  • Call another Adoptive Mamma. There is nothing in the world like being in the trenches with someone else who is in the trenches. If you don’t know one, find an adoption group on Facebook. There are many moms who want to know that others understand.
  • If you’ve noticed triggers, write them down. I’m still in the middle of this. It’s been good for me to not push my overwhelm aside and to look for where the trigger is coming from. For example: if whining is a trigger, write down where it’s coming from. Perhaps you’re a people pleaser. Has that been where you find your worth? Are you trying so hard to please and you can never please someone who always needs more? These sorts of places are difficult to walk through and need some sifting to figure out.

Encouragement for the Discouraged

Mamma, you have stepped into a war. It is not always seen by other people. Often it’s only in the heart. Either way You, need to be strong for this war. YOU chose to fight for a precious child and You chose to say yes when no one else did. It’s not over yet Mamma. Keep fighting but first streghthen yourself.

Mom looks at daughter while holding her
photo credit Valentina Nobles Photography

I’ll leave you with a thought from Amy Butler of the Adoptive Mom Podcast.

“Adoptive Mamma’s. Man! t-Their hearts take a beating and we have a lot of vicarious trauma that we experience as we begin to walk the healing process with our kids that come from hard places…Have eyes for yourself. Your pain matters…find safe people to take to about where you’re really at…

“I want you to know that it is ok that you’re not ok, It actually makes sense that you wouldn’t be ok because of the war you’ve chosen to engage in bringing a child from hard places into your home and bring that child close to your heart.

Amy Butler

My Adoption Journey

The Miscarried Adoption Pt. 1

The Miscarried Adoption Pt. 2

Our First Adoption Trip in a Pandemic

Confession: I Haven’t loved my Daughter the Same

From the Hilltop,


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