When The Miracle Stops

A couple days ago we were desperate to get our final document sent for our international adoption. My day was more than eventful (as many have been the last few weeks) while trying to get submitted as an adoptive family. Here’s what I wrote on facebook:

“Last document sent!

I’m, more sure than ever that God has a sense of humor. Yup, we got the package sent- barely. When I say barely I mean I am still recovering with shaky arms from the adrenaline of chasing down a UPS truck.

Usually our mail arrives about noon. I waited ready to load all three kids in the car and head to town to overnight the last package to the shipping place. 1 pm, 2pm. I stood in the kitchen with my hands in soapy water trying to clean the sink that’d overwhelmed me since Thanksgiving. Part of me really felt like God would accomplish this now and part of me prepared to let the dream of getting submitted this year go. Why was the mail NOT here yet?! A still small voice echoed my in my thoughts “I can let you clean your sink AND get the document out.”

hmmmm. “We’ll see…” Why do you keep waiting until the last possible moment God…” of course it was the last possible moment. The mail arrived at 3. We are 20-25 minutes away from the shipping store in town and I had two kids down for a nap. I snapped into action “To the car Larkin, seat belt on! He was surprisingly quick to listen. I got the baby down and into the car, then came back for the 3 yo. I began to carry him out of his bed when I noticed a disturbing feeling: “He’s wet!” I quickly grabbed a pull up and changed him once we got into the car. I then covered his now bare legs with the nap blanket. Off we went. For the most part I drove safe (we won’t say more than that

“Pray that we get green lights!” I pleaded with the boys while still wrestling with WHY this always had to be so CLOSE. Of course the lights were red…

While driving I began to see the circumstances different…”And I can STILL get you there.” came that still small voice again.

We arrived at 3:25. I quickly carried my pants-less boy inside covered in a blanket and gave him a clear piece of carpet to sit on. I followed with the car seat (not even trying to get that guy out too!) and Larkin. One person in front of me and they weren’t in a hurry. The UPS truck arrived as soon as I got in. I watched the guys come in and walk back out. Then they started to drive away. Anxiety swelled. I stepped up to the counter. My turn. “I need to send this overnight. Was that the UPS?” The answer was fast. The girl over the counter knew about the adoption. Yes, you better chase them down if you need it overnight!

The race was on. My boys were giggling with delight seeing mom take off in her leather boots. Yup. lots of comments on that move. I wasn’t gonna let that truck get away…

Sometimes God doesn’t want to be the God over green lights and on-time mail trucks; sometimes he’s got to show his power a little more. Against all odds…”

 

I waited to hear back that the package had arrived. I never heard, so today I messaged the family in charge of taking our documents in country and delivering. It still hadn’t arrived and she was anxious to get to the airport. For the second time in twelve hours my hopes for being submitted before the winter cutoff seemed to be dashed.

adult alone anxious black and white

The night before, my jaw had dropped as I read an announcement that there were new document requirements again! No warning. With what we thought was the last document in the mail, how could this happen?

Today my stomach remains in a tight ball. I’m discouraged. I’m angry. I’m embarrassed. Mostly I’m tired. What looked so much like a miracle was suddenly smashed to pieces. I’m fighting so many feelings that make me want to just give up. I don’t feel like I have any more fight left in me. I knew it was hard to adopt a child but I didn’t realize I’d be fighting so hard to keep my sanity.

Still, I must say I believe to my bones that this is what we’re called to be doing. I believe that if standing up for orphans is the heart of God, than everything that is against God is also called to action against allowing love to hit these children.

I also believe that things happen that I don’t want. It may be because of human error or an unknown cause. BUT, despite the hang ups and the mistakes and the tragedies, God does keep his purpose and brings it out.

I’ve seen countless other families who’ve faced obstacles not too unlike our own, who’ve brought home a new smile to their home and celebrated a child’s face transitioning from anxious watchfulness to peace.

woman carrying baby at beach during sunset

I’ve read of the countless times David in the Bible, who was supposed to be King (according to God) was running for his life. Has anyone ever stopped to imagine the many months this man, who is still famous for defeating Goliath, was avoiding his own death?

Instead of turning on God and saying ” This isn’t what you promised me!” He believed that God would lead him. He got angry at times. He asked God where he was. Even so, his faith stayed and because of that history is written as it is.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

 

Jesus was a descendant of David: a descendant of the king. The only thing that could’ve stopped God’s plan was for David to get upset, turn away and say “I don’t see it, I don’t believe it. I’ll try it on my own now.”

He didn’t.

Excuse me while I take a break. I’m not giving up. I’m just resting. Resting my brain and my quads still sore from racing a truck in leather boots. I can see I’ll need it to stay in the fight. This child needs us. Who else will fight for her? Who else is striving to be a parent for this little one? No one. I’m pretty sure if God has called me he will still make a way no matter the odds.

-Krista

 

 


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